The feeling of helplessness
Anxiety is something I have personally struggled with for around three and a half years; before I was affected I really had no idea what anxiety was. My story begins after we had our daughter Jadyn, everything in my brain just seemed to change. It is something I have learned to better manage but something that still effects my life.
Before My Daughter
Really I had very little fear before my daughter was born. Doing normal everyday things like going to the store, driving in a car, being in crowded places, going to the movies with my family and a number of other things. I was not afraid of something horrible happening to me while I was out, nor was I suspicious of everyone that walked past me. I really was a very normal woman going about her life. All of that changed when I had Jadyn; like something flipped a switch in my brain and I was suddenly afraid of everything. It truly took over my life. Before I was a fun loving, outgoing person, now my husband had to drag me out of the house to go grocery shopping.
Anxiety is a bitch
In any situation my mind would tell me the worst possible outcome of a drive, a shower, my baby sleeping or a boat trip. Instead of enjoying my life I became paralyzed with fear and stopped living for quit awhile. Leaving my home took such an emotional toll on me that I preferred to just sit home alone. I remember very vividly a time our family went out fishing, one of our favorite things to do , I had a major anxiety attack in the truck as we drove along a canal. I cried and did not enjoy my “relaxing” trip. A happy thought can quickly turn into a snowball of bad, to worse, to horrific in a matter of seconds. I went months with all these horrible thoughts, months of being afraid of losing my family, months of crying. It was one of the hardest times in my life.
I have heard it all
So many people do not understand what a person with anxiety is going through; I know I didn’t until it was my life effected. Even my wonderful husband in the beginning would say things like, just stop thinking about it, why are you crying about driving to the store and get over it. I do not hold it against him or anyone else who says things like this because for them it is so irrational. People cannot fathom the though of not being in control of your own thoughts. How can you not just stop thinking about it? People can be really harsh when you first experience anxiety, especially if you were a happy, outgoing person like I was.
It gets better
Although I have not conquered my anxiety, I have better learned how to manage my attacks. Since our move I have started to have more anxiety, which I think for me is brought on my stress. I have really great times where it seems to fade and I can enjoy life and other times where it is still very hard to pull myself out of the fear. In a moment of anxiety I try
* to bring yourself back to the present what is happening right now – holding my babies, touch my husbands hand anything I can physical touch
* Counting to ten
* Walk or move, even around your living room
*Talk about it, talking about it helps get the thoughts out of your head (keeping it in make it worse for me)
*Breath – it is going to pass you have done this before.
Disclaimer – these are just a few things that work for me personally, they may not help you. Keep looking for something that eases your mind.
Other things I do to combat my anxiety is working out, eating regularly, writing everyday ten things I am thankful for and trying to live in the present not the future. Stressing about the future makes my anxiety so much worse
YOU ARE NOT ALONE
I know it is hard, I know you feel defeated, I know it is such a lonely feeling but you are not alone. Anxiety comes in many different forms. Do not keep it in, don’t deal with it by yourself, I promise it only makes it worse. Reach out to someone in your family, a friend, anyone you can confide your thoughts to without feeling judged. It will become part of your everyday life and some will be harder than others but keep your head up you will make it another day.
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